When parents come to see me with their child they usually begin with the problem. They explain to me what is not working in relationship to school and homework and they often talk about the labels that have been put on the child. Boy, does that conversation feel heavy.
My first question to the child is, “Tell me what’s great about you?” With that question the entire energy in the room changes. The child no longer looks down at the ground, all of the bodies sit up a bit straighter, the eyebrows raise, and the smiles show up. The parents and child then tell me all about the wonderful and creative activities the child enjoys as well as the amazing personal traits that the child possesses. This is the beginning of looking at what’s right about this child.
What if, rather than putting so much attention on what we see as wrong or what isn’t working in school, we looked at what is right and how we can use that to create more ease for the child in school? When we go to the conclusion that there is something wrong then that is what we get, “wrong”. All conclusions and answers keep things stuck where they are and don’t allow change. A question opens up possibilities; so to change something, ask a question. Just as the question, “tell me what’s great about you”, changes the energy in the room, all questions begin to shift the energy of a situation.
Here are some examples of question you can ask to create new possibilities for your child:
What’s right about my child I’m not getting?
What would it take for this to change?
What is really going on here?
What am I not aware of that if I became aware of it would change everything?
What question can I ask that would give my child more ease with school?
What are the infinite possibilities for my child to have more ease with school?
What capacities does my child have that I haven’t yet acknowledged?
Have fun with the questions and play with them! See what shows up. Please don’t be invested in the outcome because that locks up the energy and does not allow the change to occur with ease. What are the infinite possibilities that your child will expand beyond your wildest dreams?